flower dress

A few days ago a woman with some extra pounds came into the store. She was wearing a dress made of trendy huge flower fabric. I have some fabric very similar that I really like but assumed it would make me look huge. I've never used it. I was impressed that the dress was flattering on her. I made a mental note to make a dress out of my fabric.

Yesterday I got out my trendy huge flower fabric and searched for a simple summer dress pattern. I found something similar to the one the lady in the store was wearing and made myself a dress. I was looking so forward to wearing it to work last night.

The girls came home just as I was finishing it. They thought it was cute so I was pleased to model it for them. When I came out of the bathroom, Rachael and Hannah both creased their eyebrows in pain, almost like I was repulsive to look at.

I went to look at myself in a full length mirror. Oooooohhh, it was bad. I don't know how that overweight woman pulled it off, but I looked like Busch Gardens on legs. So much for me a dress with trendy big flowers. Maybe I'll make a tent out of it instead.

Lifestyle Change Update

I just had my third visit with my nutritionist since I started my lifestyle change. I've lost six pounds since December 9. Doesn't sound too terribly impressive, does it? Now I could reason that I'm building muscle and muscle weighs more, but I figure my self control and abstinence have produced a 6 pounds loss, pure and unadulterated by bulky muscle mass.

It's not much, (especially since my goal is a bajillion pounds), but I do feel lighter -- those 6 pounds have made a difference. I did very well on my lifestyle change this week, yet I only lost one pound. At first I was disappointed, but now I'm reminding myself that one pound a week equals 52 pounds in a year. I could live with that.

I'm a few pounds shy of feeling confident enough to pose nude for a photo shoot, but I'm figuring with my continued success, I'll be ready for that in the spring of 2009.

Stay tuned for periodic updates.

Fat is in the Air

This is Hercules. He was missing from his owner, but was found when he got himself stuck in a doggie door attempting to steal a snack. Isn't he huge?

These are 2 newborns in Cancun. The big guy weighed over 14 pounds and the other little fellow is of "average" weight. Can you believe this whopper? Can you believe someone's been carrying him around in her tummy? And you think you have stretch marks?

To quote a friend

I have a friend who is in "hurting" mode over her weight. I totally empathize.

Her doctor told her to lose weight. My friend writes in her blog: "My GP told me in June, after looking at my knee, 'You need to get thin.' I looked at all 87 pounds of her and thought 'Yes well, and what if I told you you needed to grow a penis? Let's have a race! GO!'"

I chuckled.

Keep the faith, friend. Keep the faith.

Self Defense

Last week in Portland, Oregon a nurse returned home after her shift in emergency room to find an intruder in her home. He came toward her with a hammer. She took one hit from his hammer before she wrestled it from him, sat on him, and strangled him to death.

Intruder (since discovered to be hired as a hit man by the nurse's ex-husband) weighed roughly 190 pounds. Nurse hero weighs approximately 250.

Self Defense. The latest of my reasons to stay overweight.

A Girlish Figure

I made me a dress today. Nothing I ever make for me fits, so today I decided to measure myself. I know that seems like an obvious first step to you, but for me it was a delayed reaction. I was amazed to learn my measurements - more specifically I marveled that my waist was still smaller than the other two. Giving myself plenty of breathin' room, I am a svelte 53 - 52 - 54. Now don't go gettin' all jealous; some people got it, some people don't. It's nothing more than a fluke that I definitely got it.

Potty Mouth

I’m overweight. I’ve been like this for a few years. My kids use to think I was the norm. They’d innocently ask why their friend Brittany had such a little mom, or how come Mrs. Lobe never grew up. Alas, they have matured and it’s no longer a secret. Mom loves chocolate and Mom is fa, faaa, f, faaa; Mom is overweight.

Recently we watched Dr. Doolittle. Dr. Doolittle says “bad words.” My girls felt very grown up watching something with bad language. For days they told me all the dirty words they had heard. They’d quote Dr. Doolittle, “Get your little gray ass back in that cage”. They tried to look disapproving of Dr. Doolittle’s language, but clearly they were getting a charge from their potty mouth. Then they began arguing. “The guinea pig had a black ass.” “No it was a brown ass.” “Was not, it was a gray ass.” Yep, they were going to town using “swears.”

I remember well when I was little doing the same thing. Of course Dr. Doolittle’s movie wasn’t around so I’d get my swear ammunition elsewhere. I went straight to the Bible.

“Do you have a favorite Bible story, Valerie?” Mrs. Webster, my Sunday school teacher asked. I had never cursed before, but the urge was great. “Uh-hum,” I replied. “Tell us about it,” she urged, smiling.

“My favorite story is when Jesus rode the ass into the city. I like it because the pictures of the ass are cute. I wish my dad would get me an ass like that.” The class giggled and I felt powerful.

I was anxious to tell her more. “Jesus was riding on an ass. He was riding an ass into the city. I don’t remember where he got the ass, but just before Jesus and the ass came to the people, all the people threw palm branches in front of the ass so the ass didn’t have to step on the hard ground.” I smiled. I was satisfied. I had said bad words right in church and no one even rebuked me.

(Several years later I got to go to church camp. We were learning the 10 Commandments. I pulled another swearing stunt. This time about coveting your neighbor’s ass. That was long before I was overweight. It didn’t have much meaning for me then – just an excuse to talk badly. Now I really understand the meaning of not coveting someone else’s ass, and I’m not talking donkeys.)

25 years later I hear my kids’ potty mouth and I’m reminded of another Sunday school lesson. “You reap what you sow.”

Yesterday, I bent over to pick up a towel. My 7 year old suddenly remembered another scene from Dr. Doolittle. Hannah said, “Hey Rachael, remember when that lady bent over in the vet’s office and her dog said, “Have you ever seen such a big ass?”

Gleefully Rachael said, “Oh yeah, I remember that. Her bum wasn’t even that big. Mom’s is lots bigger.”

“Are you swearing again?” I asked with an edge in my voice. “I don’t ever want to hear this bad talk from you again. Do you understand me?”

“Yes Mom,” they said in unison. As they walked off I heard Hannah whisper, “I think you hurt her feelings.”