Holiday Pictures and such.

Below you'll find lots of photographs from our vacation to the West Coast. Unfortunately it's in reverse order, but hopefully you'll get a feel for what our trip was like.

Once we got to Thetis Island, I pretty well didn't pick up the camera again. I'm really bummed about that because I didn't capture more of our actual stay. It was an amazing time and I've got lots of stories to tell. But these pictures will have to do for now.

I'll share a quickie before I hit the hay. (It's late, we've only been home for a few hours, and I'm quite ready for my own bed.) We've spent many hours in the car over the past two weeks. Often at red lights, Gordon would study the map. When the light turned green, I tried to keep my mouth shut. (Early in our relationship I learned that Gordon can't stand when I tell him to go when the light turns green.) However he is often disengaged at stop lights and I have to bite my tongue. So over the years I've developed a most horrific twitch. When the light turns green and he's reading a map or looking the other direction, I nearly instinctively motion with my hand for him to go. Doing it this way, I feel like I'm being a good wife by keeping my mouth shut.

Today Gordon finally expressed his frustration with my hand-signalling-go-twitch. The light turned green while Gordon was reading a map. I said nothing but my hand motioned the usual.

He looked at me and dryly said, "Would you stop acting like a neurotic imbecile."

Anniversary Celebration

A humble cake. My decorating skills have not improved, but my family is so so accepting of my challenges. It was delicious despite its appearance.
14 red roses for 14 years of marriage.

We had a wonderful anniversary celebration - the five of us. It was a thoroughly enjoyable evening.

On special occasions we have cheap wine that's barely alcoholic. Last night was Deborah's first time to have some (that I can remember). She downed her small portion then did a quick perusal of the table. She said, "If anyone doesn't want their wine, I'll take it." It was quite cute.

Hannah made a brief power-point presentation for us. She captured some special events in our lives. She put a lot of work into it and it was so sweet. Kids these days, eh?

And for the record: I received an email from an easy-going friend who's married to an easy-going man. She informed me that yes, it is possible to have a good marriage without all the struggles we've had. She says they've never had any serious problems (aside from the shock of a baby that cried for his first year) and they've been happily married for 20 years. (For those who are prone to skepticism, I know her and I believe her.)

Frankly I'm kind of jealous. Remember the story I've told before about someone asking us to describe our early marriage. I hesitated wondering just how I could accurately describe the horror without sounding like we hated each other. While I was trying to articulate my answer, Gordon began to quote the Larry Norman song about the last days: "Life was filled with guns and wars and everyone got trampled on the floor..." It was hilarious. I thought it described our early marriage amazingly well. :-)

Happy Anniversary to me

Today, May 22, in our 14th anniversary. It's been 14 years of work, compromise, shattered dreams, growing deeper, maturing, and living out convictions. It's been 14 years of repeatedly getting back on track with God and each other after doing it my way; laughing again after days of sadness and bitterness.

It seems we spend our lives dreaming of blissful marriages that work really well without requiring us to work. But reality is that a good marriage is work. (I've wondered if a married couple of super easy-going personalities have to work as hard. Anyone out there super easy-going and have a marriage that doesn't require lots of work? I'd seriously like to know. It seems altogether possible, but it's sure not my reality, nor have I observed it in other couples.)

I recently watched a number of Friends episodes. One of the things I liked about it was the opening song.

"No one told you life was gonna be this way.
The job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A.
Seems you're always stuck in second gear,
When it hasn't been your day, your month, even your year.

"But I'll be there for you,
When the rain starts to pour.
I'll be there for you,
Just like I've been there before.
I'll be there for you,
Cause you're there for me too."

That song describes my marriage. When the job, the money, the kids, the body, the emotions -- when they're in a sad state, the commitment continues because, well, there's commitment.

To be truthful, this hasn't been our year. It's been a tough year. I read some statistics that said that years 13-15 are high divorce rate years. Nothing particularly bad has happened to us rather a complacency and lethargy has descended and it seems especially hard to engage and correct the "stinkin' thinkin'". But the commitment part is there -- commitment to each other, commitment to God, commitment to honoring the vows, commitment to the kids.

No matter how I'm feeling, I've always got plenty of things to be thankful for in my marriage, in my husband.

Gordon is a very committed husband. I do not worry about where he is and what he's doing. I trust him to be faithful.

Gordon is committed to his family. He loves us, wants to be with us, likes to hang out with us. He is super involved in the kids' lives. I have friends who make all the kid-related decisions. Gordon isn't like that at all. He is very involved. Gordon is more committed to Friday Family Night than I am. Plenty of times I want to postpone, but he's right there with the kids nagging me to get with the program. I never need to nag him that way. Not a great picture, but it captures his involvement in our family.

Gordon is a hard worker. He makes many personal sacrifices for the good of our family. Recently I was reminded of a terribly difficult time for us financially. Once when car insurance renewal time came up, we didn't have the money. We parked the car and didn't use it for a few months. Gordon took the bus to work in the afternoon, but at 2:00am when he got off work, the buses were no longer running. He walked the 5 miles home. He did this for several weeks and never complained.

Gordon is consistent. He is always the same person, private and public. First thing every morning he goes to his office for his quiet time with God. Always. With him focused on keeping that area of his life in good shape, we all benefit.

Gordon gives me lots of reasons to respect him. He loves his mother, honors her, respects her. I so respect that about him. He is a wonderful friend. His friends count on him and he is always a good friend. He has a good reputation at his work. He's known for his integrity.

And finally, he's never left. I've given him plenty of reasons to, but he kept on keeping on.

Yes, marriage is hard work. But I'm so very thankful for my marriage and my husband.

Happy 14th Anniversary Gordon. I love you.

Secret to Marriage

While walking out of the library today, a black man in a car seemed to take particular interest in me. In truthfulness, it's been a long time since I've been "noticed" so I assumed this interest was actually his wanting my parking spot. Once I was in my van, he ran up to me. I abandoned all rules of city-life and opened my window. He rested both arms on my door like we were ole pals. He told me I looked familiar. I was pretty slow on the self-preservation draw and told him all about myself sparing my shoe size. The only thing that kept me from being afraid was the broad daylight and people all around. He looked at me thoughtfully and said, "I know you from somewhere," several times.

"Did you date Vernon?," he asked. This seemed a great time to mention my husband, so I said, "no, I'm married. I've been married a long time." I threw in the "long time" bit so he'd know I wasn't connected to Vernon. Unfortunately that was the part he honed in on. I was embarrassed because in the grand scheme of life, I know I've not been married a long time. Stretching the truth by a year, I answered 15 years.

Prolonging my uncomfortableness and mild embarrassment, he said, "Wow, you must be an incredible woman." I put the car in reverse wanting this friendly conversation with a stranger to be over. He took my subtle hint and backed away. But he immediately re-started the conversation with, "So tell me your secret."

"Secret?," I asked, genuinely puzzled.

"Yeah man. What's the secret to staying married for so long?" (Yes dear reader, I agree with you in what you're thinking. It's a sad world when 15 years is "long.")

For some strange reason, I felt compelled to actually think before I answered something corny like "he works nights, I work days." I chewed on my lower lip and briefly wondered what my "secret" was. Many things were running through my head, some none too virtuous. Among other things, I felt hypocritical for his assuming 15 years of marital bliss. But I conquered the urge to say, "Secret? I've no secret. We stay together for the kids." (As you may be discerning, yes it was a bad day to talk marital secrets.)

But somehow, I strayed from my usual pattern of saying something totally stupid and bizarre. Having thought a few seconds, I said, "Doing the right thing." Proud of my wisdom, I repeated myself, "Yes, doing the right thing is the secret to marriage."

He was impressed as I with my wisdom and quickly responded (and became my new best friend) with, "You are an awesome woman. You are super."

I bid him farewell and away I drove. Sitting high and proud in my driver seat, feeling somehow awesome and super.

Godly Leadership

A few days ago Gordon and his friend talked about godly leadership as a husband. More specifically, how to lead without being overbearing. (Between you and me, Gordon is good at both leading and being overbearing. Unfortunately, I am too.)

Gordon was sharing this conversational tidbit tonight and indeed I found it interesting.

Later as we sipped tea together, he asked if I'd noticed he mopped the hall and kitchen while I was at work. I looked at the floor and wondered how on earth I hadn't noticed. I was excited and quickly quipped, "Now that's the kind of leadership I can affirm."

Another Day of Work

I've decided to take another work day. I told my boss I'd do this each week, but was clear if it was not working for the family, I'd let her know within the month. So we shall see. I don't foresee any problems.

Last night Gordon asked if there was anything particular I wanted to do with that extra money. (Grant it, it won't be much.) I paused for a few seconds before I answered, "I can't think of anything, so I guess not. But if I say I want some money, you'd better say, 'how much?'"

Billy and Marriage

When asked his secret of love, being married fifty-four years to the same person, Billy Graham said, "Ruth and I are happily incompatible."

Happily incompatible. I like that.

Gordon Quips Again

Yesterday Gordon and I were in the bedroom together. He was distracted on the computer, I stood beside him "instructing" him on something. Getting no response from him, I threatened, "If you don't pay some attention to me, I'm gonna give you the dreaded silent treatment."

He countered, "No, not the silent treatment. I can't bear it when you're quiet."

Rachael Has A Job

Rachael started a paper route today. She has 85 houses that she delivers to 3 times a week. I admire this child. She is responsible and hard working.

Gordon and I both went with her for her first time today. He and I have very different ideas on how to navigate said paper route. My oh my, I thought it might turn into a fight, but Gordon's humor deflected my annoyance.

As he parked in the middle of the street to read the map that told which houses get the paper, I always announced when a car was coming -- much to his chagrin, I might add. Once he parked in the middle of the street on a curve. I thought I saw car lights, but because we were on a curve, I saw nothing in my mirror.

I asked him if there was a car and he replied. "I'm not worried about cars. If there is a car, I'll know about it a micro-second after you do."

Gordon

Years ago I was at a ladies' Bible study and several of the ladies were gushy over their husbands. As we went around the group introducing ourselves, I had the luck of following 3 gushy women who all tried to out-gush the others. (Remember the 80's expression, "Gag me with a spoon?" Well that was what I was thinking.)

Each lady said, "I'm married to the most wonderful man and best husband in the world." As if on cue, the woman beside her would say, "No, I'm married to the most wonderful man and best husband in the world."

After these ladies finished their good-natured arguing, it was my turn to introduce myself. I think they expected me to follow their lead and keep the lie going around the circle. It just happened to be a day when I was at odds with my husband, so that wasn't about to happen. I took a deep breath and said, "Well, I'm Valerie. I am NOT married to the most wonderful man or the best husband in the world." There were gales of laughter and the two women after me introduced themselves similarly.

Well that was back in the 80's. I'm a bit more mature now, but I can see me still doing the same thing today. Tsk. Tsk.

Today I'm very annoyed with my darling husband. We crossed wires last night and I'm still peeved. To work through this state of peeve-ment, I shall remind myself (and you dear reader) of my husband's wonderful characteristics. He has many.

My husband is indeed a wonderful man and a wonderful husband. It's been a satisfying process watching him become wiser and wiser as we've aged. He was wise for a 31-year-old when we married, but he hadn't been through the fiery furnace of suffering up to that point. Marrying me, he soon found himself smack dab in the middle of a wisdom producing hot bed of affliction. Through the many low points of our marriage and life together, Gordon has always turned to God when things were tough. It seems in every trial, he grew wiser.

Gordon is a great daddy. He loves his girls with everything in him. He prioritizes them, taking them on individual dates and walks. He prays for them and with them. He is a totally engaged father.

In parenting, I am again thankful for his wisdom. Many times he has brought balance to a situation I would have harmed had I been on my own.

Gordon is good with money. I am thankful for his conscientiousness, his frugality, his priority on giving, and his planning for the future.

Gordon can fix just about anything. I'm sure he has saved us thousands and thousands of dollars. When an appliance breaks down, Gordon rebuilds it. My Maytag washer and dryer are 35-years old. One year when we got our tax return, he asked if I wanted a new washer and dryer. "No way," I said. "I figure you'll keep the ones we've got running and we'll be able to leave them to the kids when we die."

Gordon is a hard worker. When the going gets tough, he always puts his nose to the grindstone and keeps going.

Gordon is kind and shows people respect.

He is a faithful friend. His funeral will be much better attended than mine.

Well this exercise has been effective. I think I've worked through my peeves. I'm very thankful for Gordon. In spite of our very distinct differences, he is a wonderful husband. Perhaps, the best in the world. Just perhaps.

Another Day

The snow is drifting down delicately and my snowman flag is whipping in the cold breeze. Lucy and Frodo are wrestling and growling in low rumbles. I smile at their carefree canine antics. I'm thankful for the joy in my heart that allows the simple things to bless me. I read a couple days ago that joy is spiritual and happiness in natural. I liked the distinction.

Gordon was called to a serious accident yesterday. The bus driver was a basket-case. As Gordon told me about her he said he thought he had been a "comfort and support" to her. Questioning that expression, I said, "were you attracted to her?" He smiled and said he wasn't. I said, "Well, was she attracted to you?" He laughed at my silliness and said, "I'm pretty sure she's a lesbian." I countered, "Whew, good thing I wasn't there." I've smiled about that silly conversation all afternoon.

We have good friends who are going through a valley in their marriage. They've been married longer than Gordon and me and they too have a "good" marriage. I empathize. I know what it is like. Life is filled with disappointments and pain. As I thought about their troubles, I remembered how they were an encouragement to us in 2002 when we went through one of those marital dips. I was struck by how the struggles never end, they just surface and subside in varying degrees. It kind of hurt to be honest with myself and admit that our 2002 experience may (probably will) re-visit us in some form. Yukky idea, but I figure inevitable. In the meantime, we must keep developing healthful ways of relating and coping. It pains me to think of the loneliness and dryness of another marital valley.

Well, I hope that cheered all of you. Didn't mean to be a wet blanket, just sharing my thoughts.

Not much happening

I've had a busy weekend. Hannah and Rachael went to Winter Camp. We had to fight the weather to get there, but we went and returned today safely.

While they were gone, I gave Hannah's room an update. A friend had remarked that Hannah's room was babyish, and that didn't set well with me, so I made it more 9-year-oldish. The whole makeover cost $4. Isn't that amazing? I left the initial yellow paint but with stencils I created, I painted glow-in-the-dark pink, orange, lime green dots in varying sizes. Now one wall is polka dots. It's so cute and Hannah loves it. Now we just need that bratty little friend to come over again. This time she will be green with envy. That project dominated my weekend.

Church was painful this morning. 36 people were there. 18 months ago we had at least 100, and it was vibrant. It's anything but vibrant now. Pastor preached about being in the wilderness and he might as well been speaking straight at me as that was how I felt. Church isn't what it was. I pray this wilderness period doesn't go on a long time. I was encouraged by the sermon, very encouraged.

On the drive today, Gordon got side-tracked in the middle of changing lanes. For some reason he kept driving in the one lane but his turn signal was on. I crankily said, "You need to pee or get off the pot." Just as crankily he retorted, "You need to be kind or shut-up." I laughed.

I'm in Love

Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained. -- C. S. Lewis

Love doesn't just sit there like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new. -- Ursula K. LeGuin

The love we have in our youth is superficial compared to the love that an old man has for his old wife. -- Will Durant

I woke this morning to my husband's valentines to all his ladies. Rachael, Deborah, Hannah, and I had our little gifts of chocolates and cards waiting for us on the kitchen counter. It's a delightful way to wake up. I'll take Hershey's Hugs and Kisses for breakfast any day. Just joking. It wasn't breakfast, but we started eating them right after breakfast.

Gordon is a good husband, father and friend. I am very thankful for him. I appreciate his intelligence, his commitment to God and his family, his consistency, his perserverance, his integrity, and his wisdom.

Isn't there a song called, "I'd Choose You Again"? Well my timing would be different a second time around, but I'd definitely choose Gordon again.

Marriage

I received a couple emails and a few comments about my poem for Gordon and have since worried that I mislead my few faithful readers. That poem was written while I was in a delusional state of love. Everything I said in that poem was true. However, there are plenty of poems that could be written that aren't quite as flattering to my marriage, and they would be true too. I am thankful to God for the marriage I have. I wouldn't trade my mess for anyone else's. But that is what it is, it's a mess. I don't know of any marriage that isn't a mess.

My marriage has a number of strengths. Gordon and I love each other passionately, share the same values, and want nothing more than to honor God and know Him more. That in itself gives us a huge advantage over those who don't share that common ground. But that being said, please believe me when I say there's lots and lots of room to grow.

Mike Mason in his book about marriage, (which I can't remember the name of) said that love is a trick to get us married so God can work on our character. Of course he said it in jest, but I think he got a bull's eye in that snippet.

So I tell you that just to say that yes it's a beautiful poem that reflects a side of my marriage. But there is another side of my marriage that that poem in no way reflects.

If you are married, I think you know exactly what I'm saying. If you aren't married, well, you'll understand someday when God decides it's time to work on your character.

April is Poetry Month

April is Poetry Month. Last year I wrote a poem - a poem to my husband Gordon. I am not a poet. I've always struggled understanding poetry but this poem came easily for me. There is a verse in Song of Solomon the uses the expression My Lover, My Friend. Early in our marriage I adopted that expression for Gordon. He's my lover, my friend.

My Lover, My Friend

Can I trust you with my heart,
My feelings, dreams and fears?
Will you care for me gently?
Will your kindness dry my tears?

Will we grow old together,
Sharing life’s problems and play?
Will you love me when my skin is aged?
Will you love me when my locks turn gray?

My Lover, My Friend,
How you touch me through!
I did not know the grace in love.
I did not yet know you.

In your presence I am unafraid,
Trusting and secure.
Your tenderness tore down my walls.
With you, my life feels pure.

You have filled my life with laughter,
Embraced me with goodwill.
You saw beyond my hardened shell.
Forgave, and entered still.

My Lover, My Friend,
How you touch me through!
I did not know the grace in love.
I did not yet know you.

Will you be there when I am dying,
Our last and sacred date?
Will you weep when I am passing?
Will you walk me through the gate?

If you should leave before me,
I will whisper through my tears,
“My Lover, My Friend,
I am glad we had these years.”
Valerie Dykstra 2004

My Wedding Day

My daughter Stephanie has a blog now. Check it out if you want to see why I am so proud of her. http://stufffromsteph.blogspot.com/

People don’t understand why I get so stressed over weddings. Perhaps after sharing about the day I married Gordon people will understand why I am emotionally challenged in the area of weddings.

When Gordon and I got engaged, I was struck once again with the thought, “Can’t we just elope?” I had felt the same way for my first wedding, but because my best friend kept saying, “You’ll regret it for the rest of your life,” Kent and I had a regular wedding, albeit small. I very seriously doubt if I would have regretted eloping. But that is another story.

When I begged Gordon to elope, he countered that to elope would be nearly immoral. So I complied, but not without a great deal of stress. I chose a nice dress – champagne colored and tea length. I thought it was very suitable for a simple second wedding. Gordon, who has an opinion on everything, said, “I want my bride to wear a white wedding dress.” He won that round and every other round pertaining to our wedding.

It only compounded the problem that our wedding created the worse time of my life; a custody case over Stephanie and Christopher, immigration to Canada, expense, expense, expense.

There are many cultural differences between a Polk County Arkansas wedding and one in Canada. Unfortunately that detail was lost to me. I was expecting things to happen as any wedding may in my hometown.

Gordon, my pastor fiancé’, actually performed a wedding on our wedding day. He took my car to said wedding. This detail will be important later in this tale.

Our wedding was at 6:00. I dressed little 4-year-old Christopher in his tuxedo. He looked like a perfect little gentleman. Stephanie put on her silky turquoise dress and I fixed her hair just so. She looked like an angel. I was fairly relaxed and quite impressed with myself for not being too worked up by the impending wedding.

As 6:00 neared I hung my wedding dress and all the accompanying paraphernalia beside the front door. I waited. I waited some more. No phone calls, nothing.

I was getting more stressed with every passing moment. I walked back and forth to the window looking down to the apartment parking lot, waiting for Gordon to come. I was new to Canada and hardly knew anyone. Gordon and I weren’t adhering to the “don’t see the bride on the wedding day” rule. He and I had gone shopping in the morning, before he left for the other wedding.

When 5:55 rolled around I was REALLY stressed. I thought Gordon had forgotten me, that he wasn’t coming to pick me up. I stuffed my wedding dress and other things under my arm and Stephanie, Christopher and I walked down to apartment 7 where the apartment manager lived. I had met her twice, and since I was knew to Canada, that made her my best friend in this new life.

With trepidation I knocked on her door, very near tears. “Hi Johanna,” I began. “This is really embarrassing for me, but I think Gordon forgot about us. Could you take us to First Baptist?” She screamed, “Oh my God, where are my keys?” Then she started yelling at her husband in Dutch. They both jumped up and started rummaging through the apartment looking for keys, yelling in Dutch the whole time. She phoned Audrey, her friend that I’d spoken to in the hall a couple of times.

As Johanna ran frantically through her house yelling in a language I couldn’t understand, my own insecurities about being a “bother” surfaced. “It’s really ok. Don’t worry about it. I can…” My voice trailed off. As much as I hated to impose, the only alternative to being a bother was walking to the church.

Audrey came running down the hall. “Oh my God, we’ve got to get you to your wedding.” The 5 of us lumbered into her economy car, everyone holding something white – white shoes, white bra, white wedding dress, white hoop.

As we were pulling out of the parking lot, Eric and May, Gordon’s parents, pulled in. They looked like they were out for a Sunday afternoon drive. They looked so calm. I thought bad thoughts. First of all, why were they coming to pick me up, why hadn’t Gordon told me about it, and why the hell were they driving so slowly?

It was now 5 or 10 minutes after 6:00. I was as mad as I’d ever been. I could not believe I’d been treated like this on my wedding day. Audrey pulled into the crowded parking lot. I saw a basement door and asked her to get as close to it as possible. I jumped out of the car, tripped over the hoop I was carrying just as Christopher stepped on my wedding dress. I yelled.

The basement door was locked. What was I to do? I didn’t know, so I banged on it. My anger was almost rage now. A quiet, gentle woman opened the door and greeted me with, “Oh my, you’re not ready.” I resisted the urge to say, “No shit, Sherlock” and instead snapped, “I’m gonna kill Gordon Dykstra. Where do I go to change?”

She took my wedding dress and laid it on a table. We were in the fellowship hall. The gentle music was wafting downstairs. I started undressing right there and this kind, virtual stranger helped. I tried to be modest, but it was hopeless. As I was bent over struggling with the hoop, she was trying to coerce my breasts into the strapless bra. I was grateful for the help.

She zipped my wedding dress and told me I looked lovely. I slipped on a shoe and started kicking my clothes on the floor around. “Where is that other damn shoe?” (This seems like a good place to remind you that I was marrying this woman’s pastor.) She and I looked under everything searching for the other shoe. I ran to the door to peek out. Sure enough, there was my white shoe. I ran over the dirt and rocks, holding my dress up as best I could, clip clopping, one shoe on and one shoe off.

“You’d better get upstairs,” she said.

“Do I look ok? What’s my hair look like? Is my makeup streaked?” She smiled and told me I was beautiful.

I walked upstairs, livid at my future husband. Here I was about to walk down the aisle and hadn’t so much as seen myself in the mirror.

At the top of the stairs, I calmed as the pianist played, “There’s a Sweet, Sweet Spirit in this Place.” I walked to the entrance of the sanctuary and the Wedding March began. As I walked down the aisle, Gordon smiled at me and I knew he was proud. My anger dissipated.

At our reception, I asked Gordon why he hadn’t picked my up, why his parents came, why did they make me late?.... I learned that in Canada a bride looks anxious to tie the knot if she’s on time. It is proper and fitting for her to be 10-20 minutes late. I learned that the bride dresses at home not at the church. I learned that if you are the groom and you perform another wedding on the day you get married, you won’t have time to pick up your bride.

My wedding day was a perilous day. I look back with embarrassment and amazement at my own stupidity and ignorance. I made more mistakes than I can shake a stick at. But those mistakes I still can’t talk about.

On our 10th Anniversary I told myself, “I love this man very much. I embrace this relationship and it’s time I embrace our wedding.” I took out the video and put it in the VCR for the first time. I couldn’t watch it. I faced the wall opposite the TV. I listened. It sounded like a sweet wedding. I decided that on our 15th anniversary I’d watch it, actually face the TV and watch my wedding on video.

In our 10th year of marriage I framed a wedding picture for our bedroom. It too was part of the act of embracing one of the most awful days of my life. An awful day it was but it’s a day I’m thankful for.

Here Comes the Bride

It's Saturday evening around 11:00. I just got off the phone with my daughter Stephanie. She got engaged today. She went to work as usual and when she got home, she entered her back door and found a pathway of candles and roses. (Her roommates had let John Mark in). She followed the path to her living room and there was John Mark. He got down on one knee and asked her to marry him. She said yes, and they kissed for the first time. Yesterday he asked Kent for permission to marry Stephanie. I spoke briefly with John Mark tonight. He seems to know the wonderful catch he's getting in Stephanie.

The wedding date is already set. December 10, 2005 in Mena. Wowsers. Myself, I get kind of stressed over these things -- that's a lie, I get REALLY stressed over these kinds of things. Oh I will need God to keep me even through this.

She already has a dress. I was hurt. I told her years ago that I wanted to buy her dress. But this isn't about me. This is about Stephanie. My skin must be tough. I'm sure I have lots of skin rashes ahead of me in 2005.

Stephanie was so excited. Her dreams are all coming true. I am happy for her. Rachael, Hannah and Deborah, they just want to be aunts. This makes it altogether possible for it to happen. They are excited about that.

May God keep my little Stephanie safe in His great big loving hand.